it’s morbidly weird that two years ago,a favourite wrestler of mine passed on due to cardiac arrest.eddie guerrero.still in my memories.early this morning,i was shocked once again with thestartling revelation that chris benoit,a wrestler renowned for immaculate showmanship and technique,was found dead at his home.apparently comitted suicide after killing his wife and seven month old kid.
i shared with my bro about the news with the remarks that it was tragic that behind the facades of success and happiness,something sinister might have been brewing,resulting in such grim endings.for the zillion fans around,his passing on might have showcased in great effects,the fragilities of life.
sitting in my office,brought back painful memories of struggles.whilst i was in the train,i kept asking myself the same old questions…
"why the hell am i in a train?why am i not driving or riding my scooter?how should i go about having these?"
then my thoughts shifted to the images of those who hurt me all these years.people whom i’ve yet to forgive.people whom i resent.people whose existence,is the burning fuel of my innate desires to succeed.people say and ask,why the hell,would i wanna do things to prove to others?my take on that is the fact that,i am driven by that.the nature of my vile ego is such that i detest people glorifying themselves in my misery.be it then or now.call it revengeful.call it whatever.does that mean that i wanna see them suffer?no.just to make them have that flicker of realisation in their eyes later in their old age.
people are loved because they possess a rawness about themselves.when we were babies,we were so loved because we were who we were for.purityover the years,with escalating magnitudes of experiences,we clothed ourselves with so many layers of fakeness,impurities,uncetainties,lies,deceits and other shenanigans that makes loving so undesirable.
i like to bask in the history,because in the past,lies that word called certainty.cause it has passed,obviously.the reason as to why i finf it so convenient,is because it acts as my pool of strength when i revisit those positive momentsof success,putting myself in the mindframe of energetic vibrancy.
soon,marriage comes knocking on my door.like a business,it is not the establishment of a empire.on the contrary,its the beginning of a legacy and its franchises.i hope to educate to my partner,that in being married,you built a fortiied base of strength,hope and great encouragement.i’m easily bored.but this commitment and venture will act as a benchmark of how i am able to solidify myself in the areas of life and success.i sincerely hope that my marriage will be that catalyst.life can only get better.if it gets worse,i blame myself.
ps:success is a one way meandering,uphill journey.failure to try,is a stalled engine in your car.if the engine does not work,change the car!