I found it amusingly cute earlier in the evening to have encountered a reflective moment. I attended my monthly chapter meeting and a fellow member,Adriana’s sons were there as usual. The thing that made it so amusing was the fact that they were swarming all over me asking if I was presenting a speech. I felt sorry that my “fans” were gonna be disappointed as I was not presenting one anyway. I am beginning to feel increasingly embarrased with the small fact that people keep coming up to me and saying hi and saying how they liked me,admired me and adored me whilst I was clueless about their identity. It is becoming increasingly bad that I have to introduce myself by such lines,
Fans:Yes,I know you. I know both you and your best friend. Both of you are AIA Changi’s stars. I love to hear your speeches. I’ve seen you many times and have heard so many things about you….
Me:Sorry you are..
A middle aged man came up to me earlier and said that he wanted the honour of shaking my hands. He said he feels priviliged to see me in person. Can you imagine that? I feel like a cult leader. I offered to exchange cards,and he asked for both my Toastmasters and proffesional card. When I asked him what he was working as,he introduced himself as a District Manager. Funny,but I felt small. I should be the priviliged bloke. Anyway as mentioned, Adriana’s eldest son came up to me and said this,
Child: Hijazi,can you help me with something?
Me: With what?
Child: I know that you are an expert with women. Can you tell me what to do. A girl that I liked in class gave me a call,but hang up. She then texted me,asking if I knew who she was. Obviously I do. What should I say?
Me: Tell her,she is the girl in your dreams.
He duly mesaged. Then came an immediate reply.
Me: What did she reply?
Child: She replied,”You are pathetic.”
Me: What the f**k!Gimme the handphone.
I texted the following reply.”I’m sorry. I left the word “bad” before the word dreams just now. It should have read,you are the girl in my bad dreams. I know,it’s pathetic!”
Guess what? By the time I was making my way home an hour after that,the girl has yet to reply to the message. Yups,I am an expert.I’m sure that the guy’s chances of ending up with girl had literally gone up in smoke. Haha. Women! Give them credit,they ridicule us! Might as well dish out the jerk in us guys.
I cannot take it lah. I think I will have to start conducting my workshop on understanding women. Hot tips on how to cope with women.
People tell me,”Jaz,I can never understand women.” So? They are not meant to be understood anyway. That’s why they are interesting creatures. The exact reason why people never bother to truly understand the Theory of Relativity by Einstein. All you need to know is that it is a profound idea. That’s all. Then you show off by saying that you know the theory. No need to understand.
Over the course of years, I’ve met interesting women. Women who generally made life colorful. I had a female pal. A presumed soulmate. The interesting part,on reflection now,is how women behave. I accidentally stumbled in her life,in a moment when she was having reservations about her engagement and relationship with a possesive partner. By the fluke of circumstances,that relationship ended,though I’m sure I played no part,I got caught in my own whirlwind of supposed emotions and tried to win her heart. Now at that very instant,her persona changed from someone who depended on me for emotional support,to someone who literally held me by the strands of my emotions. My question now upon reflection is,did she changed? My answer and deduction now,is no!You see, I realised that somehow,in her mode of despair and sadness,all she needed was an escape clause. An exit window for emotional reprieve. You know,the usual things. I listened,she wailed. The process is such that over time,her strengths are literally anchored or drawn from mine. The more I appreciated her presence,from my emotional blind spot,the more she felt validated. Thus over time,I lost grip on the whole outlook of where the dynamics were going. That explains why,earlier in the friendship,I was a confident and brash man that she admired,to a sorry and hoping guy,that she thoroughly detested. Still remembered what she mentioned,that in me I was too soft for her. It got so bad that, a colleague was just sneaky enough to make his entry into her life. Woman 1 Hijazi 0. But I learned an expensive lesson that I will never forget. Emotionally strong women,are perhaps the most brittle. I just have to know where to knock,which I know now. Interestingly,we have lost contact. 3 years of non contact. 1 year of close knowledge and a wrong tactical move,blew it off. I knew I should have stayed the jerk I was. She told me she liked that part of me. Heh the dark side.
The part about getting married nowadays has mellowed me down.Where there were times when I was perhaps looking forward to having more female friends,I am now more contented to just be by myself. The knowledge about settling down is not lost on me. Contrary to what some may think,I don’t believe in that small fact that a man has to throw away all his friends when he is about to get married. It is hard for me to apply that in my life. Every now and then,I will get a flashback of what an individual from a past relationship used to tell me,”Jaz,if you can do it,(cheat and lie),I also want to try it,to see how it feels like and to make you feel the way I feel.” Needless to say,the relationship literally ended in my mind when I caught her cheating. You see,as guilty as charged,I am,I feel more devastated to acknowledge that perhaps somehow,my actions had spawned an idiotic maniac,who blamed me as her choice of actions. Its interesting because,if that woman were to have slept with a guy,based on the assumption that I would have done so,is a sad,sad fact. I do not know how to explain it exactly,but sometimes,such things eat me inside. Knowing that I am not the catalyst,but am made to feel like one,just to satisfy the sadistic nature of selfishness of another. Healthy social dynamics are best derived from the context of a good woman staying good. In an effort to stay global,I don’t believe in the adage that what a man can do,a woman ought to do. You never associate dignity with men.
Another issue with delusional aspects of blind sided women are their constant rants for the prince charmings of the society to come down from the saddles of white horses and carry them in their arms into the sunsets of happiness. Most of the time,such idealistic notion sees them ending up with an ogre of a shrek. You see,the problem is,you expect the galaxy,but you cannot appreciate the planets. A good guy comes along,and you play hard to get because the little mean inner voice says,you deserve better. Hah. Laws of Attraction says that,to receive,you ought to give first. If a woman is selfish enough to not work on the issues of appreciating good guy friends,praise the skies above, when you say loudly,”Where have all the great guys gone?” They fail to polish the raw coal infront of them,because they are absorbed with finding the elusive diamond. One exact reason why divorces are on the rise. Hard to get women should just learn judo or something. They do not need men to protect them. No real men go for the poodles.
Gosh. I miss Aryani.It’s a resort anyway. Not a woman.
I feel bitchy. Must be the vibes.