The recent breaking fast session that I had with my secondary school friends proved to be a eye opener in many more ways than one. I can firmly say,tongue in cheek that it was a heartwarming journey nevertheless. There was the proverbial married man,gonna be married man,not wanting to get married man and probably the undecided as to whether thinking about it was even a worthy undertaking.*winks* Exchanging stories of the yesteryears never fail to bring that tinge of sweet smile to our faces,as we fondly recall the kiddish and naughty esapades of girls and footballs. The times when a french kiss can cause an even bigger uproar in school than all the earthquakes in this region combined. When tales of not fasting in the month of ramadhan was as typical as wearing that renoma boxers. Of days when boys who finished school early would faithfully wait till the evening session of school was over so that they could accompany their beloved,younger,child like girlfriends home. Those were the days when faithfulness was synonymous as being unwanted. In a way. The days when love bite marks warranted undivided attention over everything else. Haha. Though I was never amongst those who could show them. I fell in that category of wanting to have but not able to get one. Haha. It’s just nice noting that as people grow older,sometimes being an ardent cynic is so much better than being an optimist. At least it will justify some inadequacies. “I will not do this or do that,not because I cannot,but it’s just that it does not make sense…” Yeah sure! What’s the coolest thing about falling in love? Well,it’s that adrenalin rush of finally gathering evidence that life sudenly has a purpose. Awwww,come on. everyone goes through that motion. Remember that time when you get to know someone new? Over a period of exchanges,verbally or visually,your brain begins to decipher some similarities. Then you begin to relate to it by the dynamics of simple associations. She loves movies. You love movies. She loves Manchester United,you probably too. And so the story goes,like attracts like. Then you tell yourself that,there is probably a 20% chance that she’s likable enough for you. Then you begin to break down a list of simple guerilla strategies,because you learned from past relationships,that sometimes,things can be too good to be true. So what you do,is you device some strategic psychological warfare. You ask the ‘significant’ questions…like”What are your thoughts about people who marry because they cannot live without each other? And so forth…”You begin to refine your outlook on being more philosophical and thoughtful. Your brain says that she or he has to filter through this round of soft interrogation. Haha. Then when that person answers your questions with aplomb,you congratulate yourself on the fact that your first impression judgement call was probably right. Then you move forward,with more intensity. Exhanges of fleeting commitment…”I miss you…where are you now…make sure you eat something…call me when you reach home…I’ll stay up for you…use my money first…can we meet after work…looking forward to the weekends…I’ll message you…want me to order your favourite drink…have you told your parents that we’ll be back late…etc”Haha. Sounds familiar? Chances are you’ve spoken those words with an alacrity never heard of. Then you have fallen into that mode of date-able. Over a slightly longer time,you long for a little bit of independence. Then you decide to think seriously about it. Really seriously. Aaaaaaah…that is the time when you have to call into question that small thing call your heart…the perennial question,”Does this feel right!?”If your answer is yes…chances are,you are in that first phase of developing love.
Sometimes,it’s just a little too late,as what Jojo sang. Damn,if I could have turned back the wheels of time,I would have seriously worked harder on the aspects of my life than to go around scooting after the skirts of the ladies. Not that I mind. But the majority of those ladies who figured much in my life are probably by now married,enjoying life with their respective partners or just plain getting shagged. Whatever the matter is,chances are,the amount of time to spent on a lady should be brief,as what I’ve finally figured. Yeah,they deserve attention and everything else,but the way I look at it now,I’ll rather devote that time of my precious life to one precious woman who has the willingness and sanity of building a family with kids and all. Statistics have shown that in the majority of cases,men expires faster. Time is short. Will rather build my legacy. It’s easier for women to paint the sorry pictres of being victimised or just being in the wrong relationship with the wrong guy. I’ve heard it. Then another sympathetic bloke comes along and cajoles the woman into basic empowerment to leave that darn relationship with the promise of better days ahead. He wins the woman,and the woman will lay herself down like a toasted bread,awaiting to be spread with honey coated margarine. If she’s lucky,she’ll get married to that bloke. If not,just repeat the same cycle of playing victim. Law of averages will definitely settle her down. But,let me conclude this thought by saying that this view is my myopic,marginalised view on certain types of women. Generally,women are wise enough not to be typically classified. However like I said,the onus is on the men folk to figure out their commitment issues. Either be ready,or stay out of it totally. Do not be in that limbo of proclaiming,”Let me be the last amongst us guys to get married…”but you go around haplessly dating and trying to find the right one. Nothing really wrong,but as I’ve learned,such contradiction just bodes misfortune. Chuck that damn ego aside men! I mean,if you feel that you are all ready to wake up in the middle of the might to the cries of a baby,then commit yourself to finding the right one,full force. That’ll be more productive,believe me. But,if you secretly desire such thoughts,yet,puff your chests up and say silly things such as “I’ll marry last…I’ll wait till my bank account is $50K…marriage can wait…or the favourite,what’s the rush?,I wish you well partners…because your ego will just be pricked harder when you have to go through the years realising that the many girls you dated had you as just one of their numbers game,vice versa,and she’s probably waking up to another man by the way. I know that there is this law of averages that says,that the more wrongs you make,the right one is probably around the corner. Perhaps,to a certain extent that might be true…but it probably works well if you are just going through the motions. Ultimately,if you know what you want,you will know where to find them. Period. Kids apply this rule very well. They know which section of a shop to go to,to get their candies. They do not shop around like us adults. Get that damn thing of getting the right one sorted out,then move on with life to achieve your personal succcess. Besides,married men are hotter. (as indulged by a survey) Hahah. But do not take my word for it guys. You’ll understand my train of thoughts. When you go through years of loving someone,just to have her leave you at the drop of a hat,you’ll understand,that the only way to live is to decide for yourself. As an animal,moral conscience is non existent. But as a fellow human being,the least you could be afforded is an explanation. With all due respect,I’m just being personal. Every games have rules. I’m just saying guys,start playing the games ethically and decide to win,because you never know when the other half might just wanna tweak the rules.
In the caveman sociology scheme of things,women goes for the strongest in the tribe. But perceptive strength is very different from brute strength. If you ever watched an old show entitled,”Caveman” starring Ringo Starr,you’ll probably identify with me on this. In that movie,Ringo’s character was vilified and scrutinised because he seemed the typical loser sorta character. But what he lacked in strength,he made up with quick wit and boundless energy. Needless to say,the story climaxed with this chap taking control of his herd of tribe by sheer courage and cleverness. And guess what the dimwit dimbo who did not believe in Ringo wanted at the end of the day? His companionship of course. But, Ringo knew who were the ones who stayed by him throughout his journey of self empowerment,and the special someone who encouraged him. So,he chose the right path of making that believing lady,his queen. Not that sneering,undecided lady. Hahah.
Mario Hernandez sang,”If you were mine,I’ll be your everything…”. I’m always amused by the superlative of “IF” being used in the context of relationships. “If you love me,I will…if you are faithful,I’ll be faithful too…if you are mine,then I’ll change…blah,blah…” The simplest non commital way to avoid nasty confrontations. If things work out between us,then we can talk about marriage. Sigh. Hahaha.
A broken record still plays that song albeit interruptions. Think about it.