Just received an email today.Somehow,my instincts just beat a drop knock of foreboding knowledge,that yes,it was an expectation long awaited.A past figure of many years sending the proverbial request for my mailing address,citing an invitation for her wedding.Indignant as I was,I guess,I just do not have the inner peace and strength within to reply.Say what people may,but that is just a cynical response I want to take to my grave.My wife was sweet enough to ask how I felt,and I feel regretful for having chided her.Just an alphaic male response I guess.I know my wife meant well.But still,it’s just one of those things in Life which is best not explained.But as I read the email again to get a semblance of realism,I felt that there was a tinge of ridicule which I do not wish to expound and highlight on.The invitation that’s extended to my family,"to share memories on my sweet day",is not exactly what I usually have in mind for a wedding reception.But I did know that,I just muttered a silent prayer to Allah,to give me the right sense of mind and calmness to thwart of that overbearing feeling of numbness.I share the joy of her marriage.Bless her and her future,but I cannot bring myself to be a part of the merriment. As much as an adult that I am,volumes of archaic memories will be fleeting through. And to make it tougher,I’ve still not forgiven myself,for having laid my hands on her.God forgive me.Thus,excuse me,for my inability to share the joy.Be happy.
Anyhow,it brought me to that feeling that just a fortnight ago,I happened to be playing against a team,and one of the players was a bloke I knew as the ex fiancee of my ex colleague.who got married the night before.In my absentmindedness,I asked,"Did you attend her reception?".The expression that followed on his face said it all,and I apologized profusely,for my ignorance.First,I disregarded the sentiments of the guy,whom despite everything else,had spent a considerable number of years with my ex colleague.Secondly,as fate would have it,my ex colleague did not send him an invitation.Poor guy.Silly me.But,my words of consolation was just adequate I felt."Move on.She did.Live better."He smiled.In my opinion,it’s nice that my ex colleague did not invite him.He would have suffered.
I understand that for women,every love encounter,is a novel that they indulged in.Where in the case of men,every love encounter is perhaps just a chapter.Thus if a chapter is either left dangling,unfinished and they have to continue reading a.k.a moving on in their lives,something is left incomplete.For women,every novel,regardless the completion,will just be quickly forgotten as soon as they have a new pillar to lean on.The next best novel syndrome.My opinion.Period.
Anyway,in any case,in the whole spirit of goodness,I pray and hope that everyone who had crossed lives with me,found their better halves,cherish and live well.Life is so transient,seriously that I feel I ought to be taking living Life more preciously.I’m gonna drown my years,if I keep wondering whose lives are better than mine at any given time.Thing is I don’t have the time.Take for example a girlfriend of mine who is now in a relationship,with a married Chinese man,undergoing a divorce proceeding,calling me to ask if I was free to meet the both of them.Funny thing is I had to ask,and she calmly told me,that she was expecting an opinionated retort from me.And I said,I did not have one for her.I just wished her well.Honestly,I’ve given up on the prospect of giving my two cents worth to individuals whom I feel is not gonna gain any sense of insights or wisdom.I say,let them live their lives the way they want.They have every right,and who am I to say they should not.I am just another individual trying to line mine.The world is plagued with more social economic problems,than worrying who my sleeping partner will be.Love?I’ll leave that for interpretation for now.Because,if you’ve loved and slept with people way before you were married,and cite true never ending love now,where does that fit in?Is love just a transcendental emotions.I’m sticking to that spiritual ideology,that,only love for Allah remains eternally.You can bullshit me until the end of days,but you can never convince me that there is a greater love than that.
Thus my chapters are closed.People move in and out,in the passage of time.As that past individual mentioned,"Now that we are adults…",my answer is yes,we are adults indeed and it is about time,I start thinking about making myself useful and significant to the society and the world.That is what I am gonna do from now…