I just saw an MTV video of Neyo’s song,”Mad”,from his,”The Year Of The Gentleman”.It was an intriguing storyline.It began with a quarrel between himself and his partner,which ended with him walking out of the house.As he was getting down the stairs,a young boy chased a ball across the road.Expectedly,Neyo rushed over and the scene was cut.It continued with Neyo,looking over a covered body,bathed in blood.Then the scenes showed how Neyo was looking over his partner and so forth.Apparently,at the end of it all,it was clear that Neyo had passed on.Moral of the story is,
Never get mad for nothing,and then never being able to make up for it.
By personality,I am patient and tolerant.I rarely get mad.In fact I can recall clearly which are the only times I got mad.Angry.And it usually involves,betrayal of trusts.Everything else,actually does not matter significantly for me.People can curse my family or friends.People can laugh at my mediocrity.People may cheat me of my money.Everything else does not really put any dent on that rage button.
Put me in that unlikely scenario of giving my undivided attention on someone,and that particular someone just nonchalantly and blatantly wastes it,it’ll burn me.I do not know why.However,I do take it that I am not free of that sin too,for I have also done my part in the past,to hurt people.But,what I am trying to highlight here,is that,the betrayal of trust is painful.Worthy of being mad at.
I love being mad with somethings at times.The release of energy can be powerful and positive.Example,was how I found out that a partner cheated on me,and that following evening,I had a friendly soccer match.That sense of clarity and focused drive,made me into a machine on a rampage,hell bent on inflicting pain on opponents.I scored on that day too.
Another prime example that showed me how anger can be channeled into unknown energy,was when I got home,after finding out I was being cheated (again).I had closed the door behind me,and I broke the metal lock of the door off its hinges.Yup,a metal lock broke into pieces,as I let go of it at the door.My door is still there,as part of a history of my tumultuous years,dating.Hahaha.My mum was recounting that incident to my wife a week ago,and I laughed it off.It’s my wall of shame.Make it my door of shame.
In secondary school,I smashed my walkman.My Sony walkman that had absolutely nothing to do with my then girlfriend breaking off and getting another guy.And I smashed that poor walkman.For what?Nothing.Just needed an outlet.
Over the years,I’ve developed a therapy for book shopping or window shopping whenever that anger virus just creeps in.It’s been working.These days also,blogging bits and pieces about it helps.
To be mad about something,and not being able to resolve it,through mediation or discussion can be tormenting.Especially,when the entities or figures in question,have seemingly moved on with their lives.The only way to perhaps move on,is to reconcile with one own self.Which may take years.They say that time heals all wounds.Agreed,but that scar remains and that wounded area had just turned into an area of vulnerability,prone to bleeding again.
Anyway,talking about reconciliations and everything else,I’ve always wondered about one thing.You know that when we go for weddings,the customary greetings of wishes will be that,”Semoga ke akhir hayat”,or loosely translated as “May it last till your last breath.”Then what happens?
I used to write love letters,that had the following euphemisms,
“…I love you forever”(what else can I say?)
“…I’ll wait for you until the day I die”(that is if you are still around)
“…”I’ll leave this country,if things do not work out”(I’m still here in the country!)
“…”You mean everything to me”(loads of bull)
“…With you around,I become a better man”(cause I am)
Funny as it seems,our explicit emotions are always laced with that element of a time frame.Forever is a whole load of bull shit,of course.Until the end of time is another example.Until my dying breath seems realistic.
I used to marvel at the various verses in the Quran saying about how Men of faith,who died as martyrs and so forth,had full bosomed heavenly maidens waiting to attend to them.
“So; and We shall join them to Companions with beautiful, big, and lustrous eyes.”(44:54)
“We have created (their Companions) of special creation.
And made them virgin – pure (and undefiled),
Beloved (by nature), equal in age,”(56:35-37)
Hypothetically,I should be happy.
Realistically,it’s a long journey towards such heavenly rewards.There is a whole list of prerequisites a man has to be and fulfill.I wonder if a woman should feel jealous about this.We do know that everybody will be rejuvenated as in their prime physique when they are in heaven.So,where does that leave my wife,if,and it’s a big if,I have a fair maiden.She’s gonna be the mother and maiden of all maidens of course.Hahaha.
I am as guilty as other men in fantasizing about Adriana Lima,Giselle,Jennifer Love Hewitt,Angelina Jolie,Rita Rudaini,Maya Karin,Linda Onn,Nasha Aziz,Zhang Ziyi,Fiona Xie,Andrea Fonseca,Jeanette Aw,Brad Pitt…wrong…,Heidi Klum,Pamela Anderson and a whole list of others.(Siti Nurhaliza was out of the list,after she got herself married).The question here is,how come,the motivation of being with heavenly maidens,never seemed to be a tangible idea.
I came across a book the other,”Melamar Bidadari Dengan Solat Tahajjud”.I should have bought it.”Proposing Heavenly Maidens With Night Prayers”.No “hantaran” to worry about.No thousand guests to invite.No caterer to survey.No expenses incurred.Just night prayers.Which is kinda hard to do,for me at least.
I’ll settle for my worldly maiden.My wife.
At least,while I still cannot wake up for my night prayers.(laughs away)