Confessions Of A Weddingholic

There are somethings in life that is just inexplicable.Things such as Manchester United losing to Liverpool with a scoreline of 4-1.I will take the glory off the gloss,by stating that Liverpool did not in any way WIN the game.It was Man United that LOST it.Liverpool was bad,as was Man United who was worse.It’s difficult to fathom the frustrations.I’ve grown up to believe that a Man can only cry on two occassions.Once,when he loses his virginity.And second,when his favourite team loses to its arch rivals.The way Fergie’s face was flushed,I could tell that somebody was gonna get hurt,and it definitely was not gonna be a Kop player.

Over the weekend,I had the “pressure” and pleasure of attending two weddings.The first,on the Saturday itself,was that of my bosom buddy,Murni.Yupz.After years of convincing herself that she will marry late,she is is finally hitched with a certain Edwin E’jaaz Choo.My heartiest congratulations to the couple.As I had mentioned,I played the role of a “witness” that afternoon.It felt weird no doubt.Murni’s family had over the years,came to regard me as part of theirs.And in a way,they do feel like an extended family.In fact I call her set of parents,as how she does.Ibu and Ayah.(Mum and Dad).But,it’s more of familiarity and ease of calling,as compared to attachments I guess.Her siblings have also grown accustomed to my presence in their lives.In the space of weeks,that family has now been graced with the presence of two male in law’s in the form of Murni’s and her sister’s hubby.How time flies.The wife was with me,that particular afternoon.It was held at Garuda’s Padang Cuisine restaurant over at Cairhill.No complains about the service staff,who attended at my table.Aziemah was her name.She was the immaculate staff,that totally blew my mind off.Her innate skills at serving with the sweetest of smiles,rendered me a stoic look,I guess.(The wife should have noticed.)In fact,prior to this post,I had just send in a note of compliments to the restaurant.Wahahahaha.I’ve never did one,and I’m just compelled to do so.

On Sunday,it was another wedding.A fellow football mate.Married to a beautiful wife,by the name of Shariffah.(Kai,if you are reading this,just letting you know that I met an Aziemah and a Shariffah,in two straight days.What a blast down the lanes of names huh?)Anyway,the wedding was a blast!Literally.When you have 40 plus motorbikes,annoyingly and irritatingly blasting their throttles,just to highlight the wedded couple’s arrival…it is a blast.I personally,found the whole affair a bit indulgent,but it’s more of a personal perspective and not a judgment per say.The callword these days is,”If you can afford it,you show it!”.Guess that was the rallying theme that afternoon.Kai mentioned in a side whisper that,it was a pity that the compensation for such grandeur was the lack of personal mingling or interaction,for the guests and families.I had to agree.It’s a matter of memory I guess.Some couples want to be remembered,whilst some want to remember.I belong to the latter category.I thought I heard Kai said,”Another one married…”

Talking about marriage.I had an insight the other day on the fallacies that I had once,and which I believe some may still be unaware of.I used to have this fixation,that I will be married at a certain age,at a certain date,with a certain amount of dowry,with a certain location,with a certain of everything.I had a plan.I had a timeline.I had what some will say as,planning.I planned everything there is to a wedding,but failed to plan meticulously on the marriage itself.Cause now that I am in a marriage,and upon reflection,I realized that there is not much to be remembered about my wedding.But I am so savouring the moments in my marriage now.It’s hard to explain,but my analogy will probably be like,savouring the chocolate instead of thinking how it should taste like and wondering how to eat it.

I believe that there are those in my sphere of friends,who have an explicit way of describing their ongoing relationships.

“We’ll see how it goes.If there is jodoh,then it’ll work out”

“In two years time,when the sun and the moon is aligned,we’ll probably settle down.”

“I don’t know if she/he is ready.”

I learned.The Pareto’s principle works the opposite.People spent 20% on a marriage plan,and 80% on a wedding plan.Unfortunately,perhaps some of us,may have been sucked into that whirlpool which says that marriage is a question of affordability,compared to sustainability.Am pondering on this,because a couple can religiously set aside their monies over time for a one day event that will soon be forgotten,and yet struggle to do likewise for their family/marriage life.It’s not just the prospects I met a while ago.It could be the majority of the society.

An Indian cab driver the other day had a conversation with me on the extravagance that my community shower at weddings.I was a bit embarrassed.Should I feel proud?Because it signalled affordability right?But another part of my head,was just visualizing the scores of Malay families lining up for financial assistance.Which is true from a contextual point of view.We are extravagant.We are the ones who have themes on our weddings.We are the ones who have a wedding expo twice a year.We are the ones who are indulging our fallacies.

There are times,when I look at a good friend,who is happily blessed in a relationship,and I pray a silent prayer.That may he be granted the means and affordability,to hasten his mariage via a wedding.I feel for his dilemma at times,that in conforming to the norms of the society’s expectations,it will mean setting aside funds to have a wedding.I think it’s just our blueprint.

I’m contented at the very least,though the wife whines at times when we visit lavish weddings.”Where’s the Fullerton?”she’ll ask.And I’ll answer with the most stupid of replies,”It’ll happen when I marry my second wife.” She’s irritated no doubt,but there is a context she’s missing.I’m happily married,with or without the planned Fullerton.But that is why,I mentioned that I prefer to remember than to be remembered.I will fondly remember every aspect of my simplistic wedding,because it involved every aspects of my life.My family,my best buddy,my soccer mates,my neighbours and all other freaky stuffs.I’ll remember how it was like,decorating Kai’s Kia at the dead of night.It was my wedding car,and till this very day a fact that I’m proud of.We decorated it with ribbons that required the creative juices Kai had that night.I carried pots and pans.I arranged the tables and chairs at night.Kai helped me to wear my sarong.Borrowed Kai’s brooch to wear on my songkok.Mingled with the neighbours.Laughed with my soccer friends.No music,just plain radio playing nasyid.Even the kompang was a burned disc,being played on the stereo.Bunga mangga that were made by an acquaintance.Food that were cooked by neighbours.Servers were my neighbour’s children.My “budget” wedding had the essence of familiarity.Imagine me,Kai and Aki sitting down drinking tea,on the night of my wedding.How fun was that!

In short,I’m contented with what God had planned for me eventually.I did not have the luxury of my dreams being fulfilled,but I had the satisfaction of enjoying my reality.

If only my past self could have read this entry.I would have saved the hassle of  being caught in that dilemma of a wedding or a marriage.As a footnote,to my friends who are planning their weddings,do plan it with moderation and consideration.Cause when you have a beautiful child to call your own,my bet is,you’ll appreciate your marriage and not your wedding.I might be wrong.But at the same time,there is no loss in me being right.Heh.

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