I blame no one for the entry below, for my neurotic rants.I am responsible for every course of actions I undertake.And yes,I don’t really care if you have an opinion about this entry.I am just entitled to mine.*winks*
I’ve not been to office for the past one week.I lazed around the confinement of my room trying to gather a semblance of organized thoughts.I was restless.Restless with my conflicts.So I made myself useful,by being a daddy,playing with my kid.I surfed non stop.Explored blogs,websites and anything I can get my hands on,or rather what my mouse could scroll over.My restlessness stemmed from that stupid question I asked myself earlier in the month of August which was,”Why am I chasing after people who do not care about their money?”Truth was,this whole planning for people processes are getting to me.I no longer gain the satisfaction of investing/wasting my time,on peepz who will probably lapse their policies in 6 months.Screw what my manager has to say about residual/passive income.I no longer seem to care,seriously.
The problem I feel,was the lack of gratification I am getting out of this noble career.Yes,it’s noble.Where else can one have the luxury of trying to sell people the idea/concept of financial planning,and risk being rejected.The thing was,I am not really scared of being rejected.I don’t give a hoot seriously,because my principles has always been,”If you do not give a shit about your life,neither do I.”I am scared more for the current clients that I am servicing.Am always worried if I am shortchanging them in terms of services,contactability and commitment.I am disillusioned as years go by,because I see a viscious cycle developing.
When one is first seduced into this line of career,the magical prospects of being in control of your destiny seemed alluring.”You are your own boss,”they tell you.”The sky is the limit and so is your compensation”,”they say.Yet,here I am asking myself,why the “own boss” in me has to dread that monthly report card of performance.Who’s the top salesperson of the month?Who’s not bringing in the numbers?Who’s been doing disappearing acts?Yes,the boss in me,has to answer to a “higher calling”.And yes,compensations.The sky is the limit they say.It’s true.You can be a gazillionaire doing all this,but it fails to mention the heartache one faces,when a client just decides to default their premiums,by no fault of mine.AndI’m supposed to do service recovery.Counsel and query.
It’s blasphemous to say this,but sometimes I just feel that a major part of the community is doomed to drown in their own misery.The community,a major of it I think,are not trend setters.They are trend followers.Just look at how Islamic finance is suddenly getting prominence.Now every financial planner wanna call themselves Islamic Wealth Practitioner.My agency is not an exception.As much as I’m guilty of sometimes professing to such extremes,I do get disgusted with the blatant exaggerations that individuals make just to gather that inch of credibility.I’ve decided henceforth that I will no longer want to be associated with sales pitches that carries religious connotations because I know the implications now.The knowledge that is being preached about nowadays is a screwed up version of interpretation.Which is scary for me,cause I know,and yet I am guilty of misconstrueing things just to make it believable.To quote Quranic verses and Hadeeths with total ignorance to the holistic approach can be dangerous when applied without knowledge.Anyway,I’m digressing.The fact is,I’m just mentally screwed with all these religious shenanigans.Let me put it this way.The whole system is screwed.Agencies in conventional insurance companies are trying to consolidate their positions by trying ways and means to justify their involvement,by finding supporting resources from the religion.But that’s the wrong approach.My analogy is this.If you are to slaughter a pig,by invoking the Basmallah,does that make the pig permissible to eat?That’s what some are doing…and to a certain degree,perhaps what my agency can be deluding themselves into.Should I care?I don’t think so.
I don’t give a damn now if I do not make my first million by being in this career.Neither do I care if I can uplift myself to being a manager.Neither do I give a hoot if the company decides to dismiss me should I fail to meet their production requirements.I have come to that neurotic mode of not giving a damn because I’m sick of being a conscientious,meticulous,responsible and ethical planner who empathises and relates to the silly plights and damnations within my community.The company and agency do not give a hoot if I am the most honest and reliable and knowledgeable planner around.They only care who brings in the numbers.Numerology sons of a gun!And yes,even that self affirming unit manager of mine is obsessed with numbers.Who’s on page one,who’s number one,what’s his plate number and so forth.Eeeeeergh!
I’m setting myself a simple deadline.Clear my freaking targets for the year,and then reevaluate my position.I am seriously working on the establishment of my own business,as inch after inch I’m gaining the needed confidence.I want to be my won boss,accountable to my own products,sales,mood,people,income and clients.And not answer to a generic propaganda of ideals and dreams.
In other words,I’m not going to spend the rest of my life planning for the accomplishments of other people’s dreams.
It’s about time,I put the foundations to the dreams I built in the air.
And I’ve laid my first brick…