Letting Go And Moving On

I recently saw a printed ad by the Ministry of Defence, targeted specifically for the purpose of recruitment. The thing that caught my eye was the designation given to the position. DXO. Knowing how Singapore’s establishments love the usage of acronyms, it still tickled me to think that the designation sounded like a brand of liquor. The PR party of this ad even designed a chic looking logo that I sincerely thought came off the logo pages for pubs and bars, like Bar None and Double O. And, to just accentuate the whole youthful image of the ads, the pictures showed individuals dressed in corporate wear, with backgrounds of an office setting. I thought that all these expensive prints were just brilliant marketing. To breathe life into a much mundane view of a Defence Officer, they rebranded the whole scope and perspective. Refreshing nevertheless.

Talking about refreshing, it makes for a good note that I had tendered my resignation from my position as a financial planner. I had difficulty writing out my resignation letter, as it’s been ages since I last did one. And also because of that tinge of sentiments I had. From singlehood, to marriage and then to fatherhood, the years there had been memorable and indeed satisfying. It was just a bit regrettable that I had to leave without pre discussions or even mutual chats with colleagues. A handful of colleagues, were nice enough to drop in a call or a message. For the majority however, I clearly saw what outlined their values and perspectives. Perhaps the greatest disappointment was with the amount of lost admiration and respect I had for my manager whom over the years had proved to be a worthy mentor. Though by no fault of his, I realized just how dynamics can change by virtue of assumptions, perspectives and wrongful dissemination of well intentioned motives. If there is one thing I learned from my years of growing up, is that a parent should never compare anything within siblings, bad mouth within siblings or an even worse thing, is not to trust any of your child.

Apart from the prospect of better opportunities, I resigned because I saw the expiration of my usefulness. In most team dynamics that I’ve been in, I always know my function. I lead by sources of unbounded imagination, creativity and resourcefulness. I’m the one who comes up with possibilities. And I always recognize who are the star players and the captains of a team dynamic, and I almost never envy such accolades because I recognize the values, such individuals bring to a team.

But sometimes, people like my manager pits things in such a way where I cannot see my function. And my disillusionments slowly crippled into frustrations, which eventually made me resolute enough to put a torrid affair to an end. It was not a case of egos clashing, but it was more of me knowing that it was for the good of the situation. A successful team like the one I was in, will remain successful, because of its excellent foundation. But for me, it was just a case of knowing when to bow out.

Whatever the case is, I bear no remorse. Still remember the conversation I had with the manager, where he mentioned that he had no qualms about letting go of my non performing female colleagues, should they still avoid coomunication with him. At that point in time, it struck a chord with me, because I am of the firm belief that as a leader, one should not be emotionally presumptuous to detach his/herself quickly whenever a mini crisis involving team members occur. Funny, that the exact scenario is actually playing itself with me now perhaps being the mentioned party. Alas, such is the fragility of relationships. Perhaps, it’s my fault for having over expectations on what a Muslim leader would do. But in a cut throat world of high end performances, people are inclined to follow the rulebook that says, “Every good leader is a good follower.” on my end, I just decided that I am no longer the good follower I should be. My resentment has reached the zenith of acceptance. I accept the fact that I was not good and compliant enough to follow the “Success breeds success” mantra.

At times, I pray that when I reach a semblance of success,God willing, that may I not be fooled by the random number of people I have influenced or changed, to be the barometer by which I can lay claim towards fulfillment. My experience with successful people has indicated that there indeed lies a path worthy of following, should one desire to follow and achive the levels of success. Perhaps people may say that I am self pacifying myself by saying this, but I really trust myself and my judgements, to accord the conviction, that I can hack a path through that jungle myself too. God willing.

I do not know what the future holds currently for me, but I always tell myself the same thing over the years of underachievements. It’s about self discovery. If I know more about myself through repeated failures, so be it. God has a future in store for me, that much I know, so am not gonna beat myself too much over this fiasco. I’ve enjoyed every bit of my time and I am just moving on from here.

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