Dealing With Options
One of the beauties about growing wiser, is the ability to selectively position yourself in a state of mind where not everything may seem as important as they are made out to be. What I mean by this is that I no longer, press myself to think about issues that may sometimes have no relevant impact on my future. Matters such as whether my social football team is progressing or disintegrating. Matters such as whether it pays to think about other people too much. Or even about the upcoming Hari Raya celebrations. Truth is, the mind has, over the past years been cluttered with trivialities of the highest order.
Sometimes, close individuals in my life, relate to me issues and predicaments that they face with regards to career, colleagues and relationships. I have learned over these years, the deep power of listening, without the intense need to give an opinion. Back then, when I was a bit younger and assuming that I knew much, I always seem to have an opinion to issue out whenever close people relate to me their highlights. But after being married, going through much via my own experiences and perhaps wising up a bit, I have learned that such an approach can be too pretentious at times.
People Need A Listening Ear Not An Opinion
I have learned to appreciate the process of listening thoughtfully and giving an opinion only on the basis of usefulness. The wife sometimes comes back home with a shoulder load of contents about how emotionally draining it has been in school. For the past three years of her involvement, all I did, was to be a soaking pillow for her rants and whines. And I believed it has helped her toughen up that quotient about being emotionally strong. I feel no reason to give my thoughts about how a situation ought to be handled by her whenever she faces difficulties. Somehow, in the midst of her disclosures, it always opens up ample rooms for her to explore alternatives in terms of reactions. And all these alternatives are derived from her own thought processes. As a result, she matures emotionally and grows in stature and independence. I learned from these three years of listening to her, that what an individual needs at times is not an answer. What they need is the room, for them to experiment with a lot of answers and conclude on their own what can be the best for them in any given situation.
The Wolverine In All Of Us
By instinct, I believe people have the ability to solve their deepest issues. Whatever the case there is. Recently when Kai related to me some things about his everyday dealings, and how he handled them, I silently chuckled in delight. Cause in my inner ramblings, I knew how Kai, could have by pure nature and character, solved the issues at hand. But that is the beauty of choice. Cause when one has the dynamics of other people being involved, we always seem to chuck that instinctive reactions aside, and tries to proactively respond with a clear head. In my personal opinion, such a manner of response, by theory, usually delays or meanders a swift closure to the issue. But, the important thing to note is that, when one faces choices, one usually goes with the one that brings about seemingly balanced outcomes.
I think it is just like the case of Wolverine. If Wolverine was to face Sabretooth alone in a jungle, the instinctive need to survive will mean that Wolverine will be all claws and hairs on Sabretooth. Attacking relentlessly and unleashing a beast like response, that scream, “If I am to come out of this it’ll only be over your dead body.” Such a psychology, I believe is innate within us. By nature, I think we will react to events in our lives like that. In the working world especially. We lack judgement, thoughts and clarity. We fight through the events and difficulties based on guts, instincts and intuitions. Choices are usually limited to, survive or die.
But if you throw into that mix, an element. An external element that can be in the form of an individual, a family dynamic, an emotion, an eventful outcome or even something as random as moods, it can be a different case altogether. If we were to throw into the mix, an ailing woman, Wolverine’s instinctive nature will have to take account a totally different complex altogether. Cause in the mix, is a new consequential element. So Wolverine’s options have now been expanded into protect or survive or die. That is such an unwelcome treat don’t you think? What if that ailing woman is a metaphor, for things such as your future? Then, it may well denotes the fact that you can no longer take the option of reacting instinctively. You have to think. Think and select a better course of action.
The point I am trying to make here is that, there is an intense interchange of dynamics when it comes to selecting your next course of actions in whatever you do. Even from my personal takes, there are times when reacting purely on character is the best way to pull through an event. There are times when diligence is needed especially, if your instincts can create a big kahuunah.
The powerful individual, to me, is the one who knows these two aspects and can inter changeably select any course of actions at will without the need to over think. This individual will have the clarity to distinguish objectivity and subjectivity and from there, select the appropriate outlines needed. The concluding factor that makes this individual so powerful, is that no matter which course of actions he/she takes, his principled essence about himself will never waiver.
It is hard, no doubt. We are an obliging community. Willing to comply to avoid conflicts.
The rule of thumb with regards to engagements such as this, will be…“No matter what happens, walk out from it a better man.”