How To Pen An Apology Letter To Your Ex Girlfriend

Illustration for Cheating
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Verb

As a guy, I find the above title repulsive. In an age where it is easier to just text, “Babe, m sorie for wat I did. Swear it will not happen again. See u tonite?”, makes the whole apology letter genre so out dated.

And this is where I believe the value actually lies in. The difficulty of penning your true, honest, unreserved and totally brutal sincerity on a piece of paper using a one dollar pen.

Even now, if I was offered a chance to star in a reality TV show called, “Meeting Your Ex Girlfriend”, I still believe I will stand a real chance in that game segment aptly named, “The Apology Letter”.

Perhaps I am making this post, seem as if it’s only us guys that make mistakes, (which often than not is the case). However, the highlight here is on the fact that, writing an apology letter to an ex partner should be mandatory before anyone gets married. I believe that it will be a therapeutic measure in exorcising that ferocious inner emotional demons.

Trust me.

Anyway, the guideline to writing an apology letter should only be based on two material basis.

  1. You cheated on her.
  2. She cheated on you.

Idiotic it seems. However, let me rationalize it for you.

Women in general, are not the cheating types. Okay, maybe I’m living in Stone Age for saying this, since there are tonnes of women flocking themselves everywhere these days. But taking this assumption aside, I am just stating a mild fact that women, tend to have  a firmer grip on their emotions, compared to men. Men, by their lustful nature have fleeting commitments, and by this I mean, that they are prone to that usual rendezvous. So, I always take it that women follow men’s tendencies to cheat.

Thus the apology letter.

You see, I had the unfortunate experience of learning this by hand, when an ex partner exclaims, that she had every right to cheat on me, because I started the game. Meaning that she was out to prove that if men can do it, so could the women. Theoretically, she was stating the possible. The hurting point was she applying the practical principles.

Anyway, that’s besides the point.

My point is, I owe her an apology. Apologies for the fact that my jerk-nesss had unknowingly unleashed her very own bitch-ness. It’s like unleashing a deadly virus, capable of infecting a gazillion species of canine. Okay I’m exaggerating.

Point to note is, as a man, no matter what happened, the man deserves to be blamed.

By the way, here’s how to pen an apologetic note to your ex girlfriend.

  1. Start off with a proper salutation. Use words such as “To my dearest memory” or “To the very essence of my existence” or “To the lost beats of my dying heart”. Or the cliched, “To the one that I still remember”.
  2. Acknowledge her current status if you know. “I know that you are happily married…”,”I believe that having a child…”,”Been a while now but am sure you are attached” as possible opening statements. Never say, “I’m sure you are still having thoughts about us…”. The thing is, even if she is, you are in no position to tell her that.
  3. State the disclaimer. Maybe you can write, “I do not wish to rake up about how we used to…” or “I do not have the slightest intention of expressing…”. Or even, “Let me put it straight to you…”
  4. Explain the reasoning behind this letter. Tell her that you wish to move on and that this is a way of letting go. Or something as naive as saying that, you will not die in peace should you not be able to say this.
  5. In detail, describe your crime / wrongdoing / sins. Make it sound understated, as you certainly do not want to rake up negative energy. And do not be an idiot by indulging in too much details. Make it short, simple and worth salvaging.
  6. Pen down your remorse explicitly. Saying sorry is not enough. You have to visually describe what emotional suffering is like. You have to describe in minute details just what it means to be gripped by reruns of you seeing how hurt she was by your actions. You have to highlight the many nights you crumpled a million penned letters with tears streaming down your cheeks. You have to tell her, just how Justin Timberlake’s “What Goes Around Comes Around” song makes you feel like a total buffoon. In other words, sound like as if, you need salvation.
  7. End off with your true feelings. If you are apologetic and you want her back in your life, tell her so. If she’s married with a son, and so are you, just tell her you love her no matter what the circumstances are. If you just wanna be friends for the rest of your sorry life, wish her all the best and let her know that you are always around. If you feel that you stand a chance at another shot with her, tell her that you are leaving the country in a day for good, and tonight is your last night to savor any memories.

So there you have it. 7 quick tips to help you along. I believe the same may work if you are a lady penning for a dude. Just end off without point 7 though. Cause nothing lightens up a man’s day than the slightest hope that you will still see him. You know what I mean.

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