“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
― Søren Kierkegaard
Best thing that happened last year, was that, it ended. Never quite remembered a year that was filled with more episodes that was worth forgetting. Quite a few milestones will be etched in my mind as milestones. Here were the few,
- My brother in law passed away on 14th January last year. He drowned in the seas of Trikora beach, in Bintan. I will remember it fondly, as I realize that I never quite grieved over his passing. It was as if, his passing defined the loss of a certain blessing in my life. I could never put it across, but he was always the spiritual balance, God probably placed for me. Quiet, unassuming, gentle and very much simple. His tender demeanor towards my son, Fikri, will probably be felt for ages, by my son. The only honor of remembrance I can accord him, is that I always silently wish, I could be half the man he was. May the Lord bless his soul.
- My good friend since secondary school decided to call time on our friendship. It did not quite affected me as much as I thought it should, probably because I half expected it. Marital pressures do change the landscapes of your life. This pal of mine probably, could not afford losing the partner of his life, over trivial issues of trust, and thus had to do the next convenient thing. I don’t fault him, for resilience and steadfastness in holding a relationship hinges a lot on the personality of a couple. Perhaps, without me in their life, their marital bliss grows stronger. Nevertheless, it served as a great learning point for me. I no longer hold the friendship card in high regards. Anyway, the episodes surrounding the farce, has been made into a satirical comedy, with most of my acquaintances. That kinda eases any thoughts of weariness.
- My sister remarrying was yet another highlight. The passing of my brother in law, kinda took the household to its knees. Over some time, circumstances changed, and so did the grief. As it settled into acceptance, my sister found herself yet another life companion. Although the preceding episodes before the wedding were ugly and messy, on hindsight, it still was a joyous occasion. For that marriage, taught me that everyone deserves to be happy. It was a choice she took, and one that I believe she will be accountable to. As mentioned by my mum, only the Lord knows the silent grief she may hide, behind the smiling facade. For deaths affect everyone with a heart. And I believe my sis has one tender loving heart.
- I got released and transferred to another agency, thus easing the tension of being under the management of a leader I never quite relate to. Although, it came sooner than I expected, it still was a welcoming news. The episode taught me one vital lesson. Material possessions and a worthy title, can never replace the concrete ability to lead. To have a spanking title, of “Executive Manager” adorning one’s name card, still cannot hide incompetency. It was and in my opinion is still a great pity, that this particular individual wanna hang onto this last piece of credibility he has. A saving grace in his part, is his reluctance to release yet another colleague of mine. The greater pity is that, the longer and harder he tries in holding onto his losing position, the more he is deemed unworthy, by most of the colleagues in my office.
- The best and sweetest event to grace and make its mark on my 2012, was the birth of my beautiful princess, whom I named Nayli. Her arrival was unplanned, yet it brought the year to a great ending. She may just be the silver lining, that I needed. For maybe God had planned, that as one cherished life (my bro in law) is taken away, He replaces it with another one. I now have the pride of having a prince and princess to light up the lives of both my wife and myself. It is interesting to note that the bond between mother and daughter is as close as the one I have with my loved son, Fikri.
In a nutshell, those were the events that defined my past year. Noteworthy, yet to a certain extent, gloomy.
This year, I hope to live out life on the best note possible. To be more valiant in taking risks and doing the things I wanna do. I have lost a few things last year, yet I do not wanna sit around and mop in an emotional state of distress.
I certainly hope to blog more often this year. Last year, I literally had a blogger’s shutdown.
Looking forward. Writing soon. 🙂